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Sunday, December 14, 2008

iM uGLy. likE sEriOusLy. iM dAmmnn UGLY! & iM sOOo fAT! buLging bULges evErywhEre. rEAlly hOrriBLe! WTH!

FAT & UGLY. yUck.

i jus fEel disgUsted with myseLf. i kNow iM not perfect. i kNow iM not the nice cAtch. i kNow iM sArcaStic at tiMes & hurt ppL thru my woRds. i kNow iM not the polite friendLy fLawless girL nxt door. i kNow my attitUde sUccks. i kNow iM nOt a gOod counsEllor. i kNow iM nOt a gOod dAughter. i kNow im nOt a gOod fRiend. i kNow ppL get siCk heAring my freAking lifestOries thAt sEems never eNding & my frEQuent bAd mOod. BUT this is juSt ME!

I wiSh i could be gOrgeoUs, sWeet, niCe, lady, polite, friEndLy, chEerfuL, sLim, smart, flawLess, nOt mOody, softspokEn, usefuL, heLpfuL & hAppy gO luCky. i wAnt evErything tO be sMooth saiLing. i wAna be like that 'GIRL'. she is aLmost perfeCT. shEs beAutifuL smArt & cApabLe & my weAkness are her strEngths.........

i juS fEel riDicuLoUs. pPL ar turning thEir baCks on mE. moSt dAiLy hAppenings led me tO reminisce thE paSt memOries that can bE a tEarfuL. No. i Dun Cry tt mUch. i fEel thAt crying is duMb. its dOesnt heLp tO soLve anything at aLL. it's the duMbest wAyy tO express urseLf. WTH. So how do i express myseLf? i gOt my oWn wAys. thOu it may hUrt, the pain is such a sudden rush for me tO wAKe up & mOve on wif thiS frEaking frEAky lifE. Friends can only help that much. i gotta stand up & move on. i kNow that. and iM trying my vEry beSt evEry single day tO do wAt is right. bUt at the end of the dayy, it just sEems wroNg. And whEn miStakes ar made esp by ME, thE cOnseQuences can be quite excruciating & may be left uNforgiven. Why is my fauLt aLways made as a hUge commotiOn? i dun undaStand. yeAHh, im nOt as sMart & quick as soMe othErs bUt heyy, i kNow i put in extrA effOrt in evrything i dO tO achieve thAt equaL stAnding with the reST. i aLways dO. bUT stiLL, iM thE black shEep in aLmost every incidence. nOt fAir. UnjuSt. biAsed.

Ok fArk it. if u think iM WhiNing in hEre & sick of reAding it, thEn dun reAd my bLog. for sure, these ar my thOughts & im not trying tO win any syMpAthy or wAtever nOts. igNore my blabberings. Let me fEel like Shits. im immUned tO this anyway. dEstructive roUtine. hEll with it. Nothings gonna chAnge anywayy. iM stuCk with thEse shits in this lifetiMe. like Paladin.King said, maybe i Am a suMbody n hence the greAT depth of teSts on me, on my faith. i wAnna gif up. i wanna reSt. burden-free. tEst-free. its a long tOrturing jOurney. 1st tiMe im gOnna say this wOrd afta such a LOngtiMe of nOt using this wOrd. '' IM TIRED.'' i reAlly aM.

i wish i am an iMpeccabLe persOn with iMpeccabLe tAlents.

* 12/14/2008 01:39:00 AM
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