AwaL Muharram & weLcoMe 2010!
yUUuup! im anticipating hard for the year 2009 to end. like seriOusLy. END NOW! i say NOW! well, all the past years thou not realli good for me, i must say, 20o9 is the worst year ever! lets see..
i was in sOoo many countless dilemmas frm beginning of the yr to the end. even right now. haf to make decisions, one after another. and these decisions are very important decisions that determine my future. it IS VERY crucial. in other words, yes, it is lyFe & death matters. well, for me at least. i was bombarded wif lOtsa questions, opinions, endless anxiety and continUous dilemmas that i myself haf to solve. i was on a continuous run for resolution to the extent that i ignored the surrounding ppl like God knows wat, and i felt soo emotional and even felt tired of living this lyfe. it has always been dark for me. but this year isnt any better. the period of transition is the cause. the main cause of my endless cOnfusion. the transition of a girl to an adult, a graduate fitting in the working world, a mentor to those below me, a sister to my younger siblings, a daughter to my father, a friend to my close friends. it was really hard, enduring these shits. but i went thru it. and i dealt wif it. soo much sO that i felt, i have not done enuff. for everyone around me. and why? bcoz, i was rushing thru evrything. i was rushing thru all struggles that i lost track of myself, my roles and responsibility that i inadequately and hastily fulfilled. just to get over it, and complete it. In the end, i feel confused. like right now, i dont know what im doing, well yes, im furthering my studies in UoN. but besides that, i am totally not in the right mind. there ar things tht remained unsolved, unspoken. but the freaking fact that it is my weakness that im talking about, makes me hate myself at times. and the one person that i though was The One, in the end, impaired all hopes. and the ONE person that caused me soo much anguish truout my whole lyfe, wounded me times n again. and everybody else, afflicted harsh words to me. without me retaliating much, i tried my best to be rational in evry situation. and i felt that, i maintained my cool. the world is unfair, that is a universal truth. but i am always in an unjustifiable position which i feel deeply hurt. u might think that u haf had it worse than me. but im telling you, u ar not the one to judge what shits i've gone thru and faced since i was young right up till now.
while im expressing my freaking shits in here, i also wanna THANK all those who haf helped me & supported me in each n every single way, regardless of how much u've done for me. Thank You my father, my stepmother, my sisters n my babybrother. Thank yOu also to brotheryankee, my closest friends, my tutors and lecturers, my cousins, and my good friends as well as my contacts for keeping me sanE all this while. virtuaL insaNity, thanks to SezAiRi for tt song too. And Syukran Ya Allah, Alhamdulillah for evry breath u've given me to live evry single second, for evry bits of laughter, evry ounce of health & every single cents u've blessed me with. Thank YOu. ;)
And thanks for visiting my humble blog. and readin evry ramblings of mine.
Signin 2009 off,
ShaikAh N. aka Miss NoRulez aka MystiQ
* 12/31/2009 02:35:00 PM
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hMm.. curiousity. was curious abt something, but cudnt find out more. sOo, no sweat abt it.
anywayy, it has been 3 weeks. exactly. issit my fault for displaying cold shoulder? or issit just u being busy? well, u cant blame me either. coz the revelation is quite..unexpected. but ouh well, y making u a priority when u're just makin me an option. rright? blatantly expressed. ur inconspicuous actions and words allowed me to formulate subtle possibilities. thankfully, im prudent enuff to keep things at bay. and the fiasco will NOT repeat itself. at least, not with you.
and i ensconce myself by the seaside and by the river, with caraMeL fRappe for companion...
MystiQ
* 12/28/2009 03:28:00 AM
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Hahaa. Ernie said, Red ChriStMas to me! LOL. tt's kind of funny. LoL!
In any case, tdy i dont feel that gOod actually. well, besides the 1st day 'OFF' chaos, i feel the effect of moodswings soo hard that tdy i teared. aLot. and this is soOo not me.
flaShbacks of the past keeps haUnting me back wherever i gO. it just doesnt feel right. a surge of sadness drowns me deep. deeper. a flood of childhood moments rushed through the cells of my mind. pierced right thru my heart. hit the tearbag, it burst flowin on my delicate cheeks. it is excruciating no doubt abt it. Indeed, im a frail little girl. my vitality are straining. but i know, i have to inevitably replenish the fuel in me to keep on driving tru this endless road junctions that had me stucked most of the times. i doNt haf the license yet, but i had tO take on the wheel still. poor child.
Ernie said this once, 'im a child living in an adult body'. i can relate with that. totally. but i guess, i haf to consider myself lucky. as Allah still loves me, regardless of wat i did, the sins i've committed, Allah still guides me and grant me my wishes. Alhamdulillah for all that he had given me. Dear Allah, give me more challenge if u see the strength in me to overcome it, but reduce the intensity if u see the feeble, incapacity in me to face it. Syukran Ya ALLAH.
MystiQ
* 12/25/2009 11:21:00 PM
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i jus cried watching 'Daughtry's gives' video on UganDa's kids. touching. and i really really like ChRis DauGhtry!! omg omg! like omg! he sings 'have u ever really loved a woman' and ohmagoat! i melted like mad! awwwww. soOoo nice la his voice! woOohOo! saaaassssyyy! :D
im sOoo gonna wish for a partner wif his voice! so he can sing for me evry single day while i picture dauGhtry's face! AHhaa! well, he is the one and the ONLY botak gUy i like in this world! woOohhoO! my fav songs are now, '' Call yOur naMe'', '' yOu doNt bElonG'' and ''sEptember''. gO listen when u can! superbrilliantly sung! oOoo! my hEro! gO CD!! :D
And ChRis DauGhtRy made my day toDay! :D Thanks! *hUggies*
MystiQ
* 12/23/2009 09:15:00 PM
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MErRY MeRry MeRry XmaSss!!!
and so, last xmas, i put up a song by MariAh Carey 'All i wAnt for xmAs'. sO this xmAS, i gif u a classic melodious cute christmas song to bright up ur day today! enjoy this lovely favourite xmas jingle of mine! :D
hAhaa! and yAyy! i've completed my 1st sem in University of Newcastle! the papers were generally do-able wif some difficult questions of course. InsyAllah i can score well... i hOpe!
Besides that, i had family chalet over the weekend at dWntWn and well, BBQ was GREAT! yUmmmmmylicous! Thank You sOoo much to Abah & Tante! *LovEs & huggies!* And to my lovely nonsensical sisters, thanks for criticising me toO. gaaaaaahaaa! :D
And sOo, im available for bookings! hAaaha. sOo, wanna haf a date wif me, must book me early early okayy! hAhaa. *shok sEndiri* and my misses to aLot of ppl whom i cudnt spend time wif eversince i start school. sOo babes! u know who u are! book mee! NOW! hAhaaa! i siao already. :D till here, u will see me uodatin again very sOoon! :D
MystiQ
* 12/20/2009 11:39:00 PM
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yAY! im sOooo glad to be able to meet Ernie again! hugggies!
And i felt relieved after sharin wif Ein to get some point of view frm a guy's perspective. thanks dude! and i wanna thank all my beloved girls for being there wif me and comfortin me wif kind words and emotional support! hahaa. lOve u babes! u know who u are yaw! huggies! :D
anyways, im happy to be able to get in touch wif someone ( my indonesia bf) via Fb! hAhaa. ok ok, besides that, i think TauFik BatiSah is really greAt! LoL. and i like Siti NurHaliza n MishA Omar alot. :D gReat balls of firE! aNd, tmr hopefully i getta meet my filipin boyfriend. LoL! till here, adiOs! :)
MysTiQ
* 12/07/2009 01:44:00 AM
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This lyric frm Mraz's Prettiest Friend, playing now in my blog. And this WAS what i felt for the whole 1yr plus for a particular someone. Just kinda suited him. brrrr. just chg all the 'her and she' to 'him and he'. u will get wat im tryna say frm my heart n my soul. And the italics, is just so right on. while the un-italics are those moments tt i FELT. usEd to feel. WAS.
This is what I look like today
And I'm trying not to pull out my hair
I'm trying hard to grow it but I'm far too shy to show it back there
That is probably why I like wearing hats
There's no denying I'm deferring the facts
Avoiding confrontation Lacks tact in a situation
Behind every line is a lesson yet to learn
But if you asked me
The feeling that I'm feeling is overwhelming
oh, it goes to show There's so much to know
I wrote this for my prettiest friend
But while trying not to prove that I care
I was trying not to make all my moves in one motion and scare her away
Well she can't see she's making me crazy now
I don't believe she knows she's amazing how
She has me holding my breath (Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com)
So I'll never guess that I'm a none such unsuitable, suited for her
And if you ask me
The feeling that I'm feeling is complimentary
And oh, it goes to show
The moral of the story is boy loves girl
And so on, but the way it unfolds is yet to be told
I know that I should be brave
Even pretty can be seen by the blind
I know that I cannot wait
Until the day we finally learn how to find each other
Redefining open minds
And if you ask me
The feeling that I'm feeling is overjoyed
And it's golden, it goes to show then
The ending of this song should be left alone
And so on 'cause the way it unfolds is yet to be told
But i guess, the story has already been told. and so, this song shall not be left alonE. hMm..and the feeling? no more overjoyed nor overwhelming. its just disappointment and sadness.
* 12/05/2009 02:57:00 AM
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sheeeEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
im not hurt im not hurt. im just disappOinted. and sad. tt's all.
bUt i will get over it sOOon. SOooOOooon.
*shoot herself*
MystiQ
* 12/02/2009 11:56:00 PM
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the water is clear nOw..
after confessiOns made..
revelations revealed. true enough, what twin said. it may follow a chain of events...
well, it all ended tdy. i woke up frm the beautifuL dream. it is beautiful... was beautiful.. WAS.
MystiQ
* 12/02/2009 01:03:00 AM
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Ola! just a quick post here before i zoOoom off to campus!
well well, somehow.. somebody is up to something. and i feel the suspense ( quite bad!) but hey, i will maintain my cOoL and handle things wif care. hAhaa.
anyways, im uP for grabs on the next vdAy! errm, i mean, im avaiLable for dates! sOo aLL the single ladies! boOok me! hEhee. tO nOn single ladies, if ure sick wif ur same bf evry yr, u cAn boOk me tOo! LOL! :D
ooOooo kayy! i'll be back for updates again sOon sO just come back here for more of my crazy bits! hOpe my lovely readers stay gorgeous & handsOme & hOpefully YOU will have a gOod day! at least, hOpe soMeone will make ur day tOday! lOok afta urself well & adiOs! :D
MystiQ
* 12/01/2009 11:59:00 AM
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_>.Ma.pEopLe.<_
# mA pReciOuz
# mA girL sInce 1998'
# mA 1stHeArt sInce 2000'
# mA 2ndHeARt sInce 2000'
# mA diAmond'z beSt fRend
# mA bEst cUzZiN
# mA idoL aMynaH
# mA bEst NikKiNottyKitty
# FatiN
# ErNiE
# FaLey
# FaLey II
# shArifa'z
# diLah(didi)'z
# FiLz'z
# HenDra'z
# DiNi'z
# Raghini'z
# shObaNa'z
# naDiah'z
# FarAh'z
# Sabby'z
# Bart-LeEn'z
# Bart-farDaLe'z
# ShiKin'z
# ziMa_CaMp
# FiFi
# DX21
# DX21Part2
# Raphaelite
December 2006
January 2007
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S.N.FaDhiLLaH (mA diAmoNd) ms-shaikah.blogspot.com
[fer heLpin' oUt wif mY layOut & iNtrOduce mE tO this blOggiN' worLd!
> >dUn lafff uH u aLL!< <
[iDEas ♂ origiNal bY my bRaiNetwOrk • nO iMMitatOrs!
# mA pReciOuz
# mA girL sInce 1998'
# mA 1stHeArt sInce 2000'
# mA 2ndHeARt sInce 2000'
# mA diAmond'z beSt fRend
# mA bEst cUzZiN
# mA idoL aMynaH
# mA bEst NikKiNottyKitty
# FatiN
# ErNiE
# FaLey
# FaLey II
# shArifa'z
# diLah(didi)'z
# FiLz'z
# HenDra'z
# DiNi'z
# Raghini'z
# shObaNa'z
# naDiah'z
# FarAh'z
# Sabby'z
# Bart-LeEn'z
# Bart-farDaLe'z
# ShiKin'z
# ziMa_CaMp
# FiFi
# DX21
# DX21Part2
# Raphaelite
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
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November 2007
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[fer heLpin' oUt wif mY layOut & iNtrOduce mE tO this blOggiN' worLd!
> >dUn lafff uH u aLL!< <
[iDEas ♂ origiNal bY my bRaiNetwOrk • nO iMMitatOrs!