My Secret Obsession`.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

AwaL Muharram & weLcoMe 2010!

yUUuup! im anticipating hard for the year 2009 to end. like seriOusLy. END NOW! i say NOW! well, all the past years thou not realli good for me, i must say, 20o9 is the worst year ever! lets see..

i was in sOoo many countless dilemmas frm beginning of the yr to the end. even right now. haf to make decisions, one after another. and these decisions are very important decisions that determine my future. it IS VERY crucial. in other words, yes, it is lyFe & death matters. well, for me at least. i was bombarded wif lOtsa questions, opinions, endless anxiety and continUous dilemmas that i myself haf to solve. i was on a continuous run for resolution to the extent that i ignored the surrounding ppl like God knows wat, and i felt soo emotional and even felt tired of living this lyfe. it has always been dark for me. but this year isnt any better. the period of transition is the cause. the main cause of my endless cOnfusion. the transition of a girl to an adult, a graduate fitting in the working world, a mentor to those below me, a sister to my younger siblings, a daughter to my father, a friend to my close friends. it was really hard, enduring these shits. but i went thru it. and i dealt wif it. soo much sO that i felt, i have not done enuff. for everyone around me. and why? bcoz, i was rushing thru evrything. i was rushing thru all struggles that i lost track of myself, my roles and responsibility that i inadequately and hastily fulfilled. just to get over it, and complete it. In the end, i feel confused. like right now, i dont know what im doing, well yes, im furthering my studies in UoN. but besides that, i am totally not in the right mind. there ar things tht remained unsolved, unspoken. but the freaking fact that it is my weakness that im talking about, makes me hate myself at times. and the one person that i though was The One, in the end, impaired all hopes. and the ONE person that caused me soo much anguish truout my whole lyfe, wounded me times n again. and everybody else, afflicted harsh words to me. without me retaliating much, i tried my best to be rational in evry situation. and i felt that, i maintained my cool. the world is unfair, that is a universal truth. but i am always in an unjustifiable position which i feel deeply hurt. u might think that u haf had it worse than me. but im telling you, u ar not the one to judge what shits i've gone thru and faced since i was young right up till now.

while im expressing my freaking shits in here, i also wanna THANK all those who haf helped me & supported me in each n every single way, regardless of how much u've done for me. Thank You my father, my stepmother, my sisters n my babybrother. Thank yOu also to brotheryankee, my closest friends, my tutors and lecturers, my cousins, and my good friends as well as my contacts for keeping me sanE all this while. virtuaL insaNity, thanks to SezAiRi for tt song too. And Syukran Ya Allah, Alhamdulillah for evry breath u've given me to live evry single second, for evry bits of laughter, evry ounce of health & every single cents u've blessed me with. Thank YOu. ;)

And thanks for visiting my humble blog. and readin evry ramblings of mine.

Signin 2009 off,
ShaikAh N. aka Miss NoRulez aka MystiQ

* 12/31/2009 02:35:00 PM

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